the end is near

"Ding!", the sound when your Facebook Messenger notifies you that you received a message from someone. It's from you. The person that I partied last night with. The person that was all over me, dancing, touching, hugging.

"Eww!" It's this person! but the first message that I read was, 'Sorry! for my behaviour last night.'
Melted my heart.
On a second thought, I won't mind being friends with this person.

After several months of confrontation and momentarily flirt, I finally decided to go for dinner with this person.
True enough, it was a really enjoyable first date. It was obvious that we could see the spark between us. We switched from our dinner place, to the bar and the question that I predicted came.
'I think you should wait in my house before driving home, it is dangerous to drive under alcohol influence', he said.

I nodded. I told myself to control and do not make any rash decisions. In which I did and I am still proud of the decision I made.

On the second date, things felt good because we were constantly texting each other whenever we had the time. I felt that everything fell in the right place, at the right time. It is when I told myself, It's OK, just try this, commit knowing you will get hurt'.

Hence, the story begins.

It was beautiful, I enjoyed the company, I enjoyed the care. We love each other, enough to still giving ourselves Me-time. The love that we share is different with others, and I have to agree that I loved it. We tell each other stories of our daily life, we share opinions and the moment I love the most is that with you being near to me gave the enough securities, whereby conversations and overly romantic cuddle is unnecessary. I love just chilling in your house over the weekend doing nothing but watching TV, swimming and reading our own book. It became a habit that I love heading to your place even if we're not doing what most couple is doing.

There were no such thing as romantic between both of us. To me, if felt that we both have the mutual understanding that we trust each other, we have faith in our relationship and that nothing could break the bond between us.

However, in the beginning year of 2017, things skewed 180degrees. I start feeling insecurities and neglected. During the period of time, I asked myself if it is because I changed the expectation between us. I was expecting much more from this man. I constantly told myself, it was previously agreed from both of us that we enjoy the freedom we have and would want to keep it that way.

Imagine this, I am not meeting you as often as I previously am. I only get to meet you during weekends because of your busy schedules. Even that, sometimes I told myself, he needs his alone time. I needs time with his friends as well, I shouldn't take that away.

I enjoyed spending time with my bffs, hence I know it is not fair that I ask him to adjust to my schedules. This is the reason, I always leave it to him, if he wants to meet up, sometimes I will propose to him saying, I would like to date him.

The beginning months of 2017, he was travelling all the time, from his family trip, to birthday trip to solo trip. His friends came for visit and my own solo trip. I guess, this made a downturn to the relationship?

Honestly, I didn't felt it. Partly because I'm already used to this and I didn't mind not having you beside me all the time, as long as I get a care text from you. I'm easily satisfied.

Last weekend was the break thru, I scheduled a date with you 1 week before and you agreed to it. You cancelled it last minute while I was on a business trip. I was upset and angry. I believe it was natural for me to react like that, as I did not meet you over a month already. I'm already starting to feel the need to be connected into your life again.

In order to express my anger, I ignored your text and replied you with a nasty 1 the next day. Hoping to let you know that I was pissed at you. However, there were no reply from you. You did not bother to even text me a simple reply. Over rage that I am, I told myself, this is not going anywhere, I feel like ending this. If friends are more important to you, then be it. But I calmed down later, and thought to myself saying, it must be something else that you really want to do.

You did nothing and escaped from me, avoiding me, stopped talking to me.

I later found out your where about thru social media, which is what I hate most. How come you cannot be honest with me on why you decided to ditch the date? If you know me well enough, you know I will say OK to it although I'm disappointed. Anyway, what past is past.

I'm just trying to move on, but honestly, talk to me. Giving me the closure is the best thing that you can do for me. Don't leave me hanging, be a man and accept the fact that you've betrayed my trust. Accept the fact that you might not love me anymore. Although I love you, but I will not force you to love me. I get the fact that love should be mutual and continuous, if it is no longer this, parting is natural.

Just let me know what is playing on top of your mind. Tell me how you feel genuinely, Show me. That's all I'm asking for.


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